Prisoner of hope

[What, what would have become of me] had I not believed that I would see the Lord's goodness in the land of the living! Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord. (Psalm 27:13-14 AMP)

I have to admit some days I cling to this not as a promise but as a begging prayer. Some days more than others. I am exhausted in every way it is possible to be exhausted. But each time the load gets too heavy I look up as a prisoner of hope and can't help but let that last breath of it in me believe.

A while back I found the following scripture and it has intrigued me since

Return to the stronghold, You prisoners of hope. Even today I declare That I will restore double to you. (Zechariah 9:12 NKJV)

Prisoner of hope. That's an interesting concept. I often wonder if that's what I am because sometimes I irritate even myself with the fact I keep hoping even when it looks all hope is gone. 

I think so often we struggle to be prisoners of hope because we have picked the wrong hope to be enslaved to. We hope for success, for love, for health, for a list of things. There seems to be a common thread in the testimonies of the great prisoners of hope we have seen in the past people like Corrie Ten Boon and John Bunyan and so many the list is too long. They were physical prisoners on earth, but their hope was not found in life after their captivity ended, but their hope was in Christ.

I love how the Jamieson-Fausset-Brown Bible Commentary put it, "prisoners of hope - that is, who in spite of afflictions maintain hope in the covenant-keeping God; in contrast to unbelievers, who say, "There is no hope".

What does it mean to have hope in Christ? Well it means believing in the covenant God has made with His son Jesus Christ, he promised man restoration to God through Christ's sacrifice but He also promised He would come back for us and that He would end sin and evil forever. Now that's a hope I want to be captivated by. That's a hope that doesn't depend on how my day goes or what the immediate future holds. That's the hope that uses the storehouses of heaven. Maybe that's the child like faith Jesus talks about. Children have that way of not worrying about the details. 

I have found myself over the past year growing more and more detached from the things of this world. I don't desire things the way I used to. And please don't get me wrong I am no saint I still like my junk! But the happiness and pleasure in the dreaming isn't there anymore. If anything it's fellowship and spiritual nourishment I crave now. I worry less about my boys academic success as I do the condition of their hearts. 

I have to admit that I find church a less satisfying thing too. It seems so void and shallow. So routine. Everyone arrives and smiles and says hello and has the surface conversations. Then we sing a few songs, it's singing not worship. Then the preacher gets up and gives his sermon. I am ashamed to say about a year and a half ago I even fell asleep in church. I was so embarrassed. I was raised in a Presbyterian church in Northern Ireland and though Reverend Lockhart preached truth he was not the most exciting of preachers but even as a kid I stayed awake. But that Sunday it was a sermon on a portion of Acts and the only thing I could figure was it was a grammar lesson on why a word was capitalized in one place in the verse and not the next. Somewhere in there I switched off and went to sleep. Because really who cares? This isn't even milk never mind meat.

And it's no different anywhere else, sermon series on life skills and 10 steps to this and all well put together sermons with humor to soften the hard points but they aren't even that hard anymore. And most times now I leave empty. Thirsty for a truth to grab hold of and get me through the week. 

This past Mother's Day our pastor preached on vanity. Our pastor is a dear friend but man he missed the mark there. Most mothers I know vanity is the last issue we have. I feel like I've succeeded if I get a daily shower and my clothes choice is basically whatever is clean and fits not about excentuating my body. I try to avoid the mirror because I don't want to see the mess I am now. Maybe someone there needed to hear a message on the sin of vanity but this mama needed meat, encouragement, wisdom because this is not an easy job. 

You see I struggle with motherhood. It's a huge responsibility. They see my walk with the Lord played out daily and the ugly parts the most. I wanted to be the mother that is seen on her knees, greeting trials and storms with grace and praise on my lips not fear. Instead they walk in sometimes to find a mother with tear stained cheeks because I'm tired.

That's when I have to find my prison of hope again. And tell them that I'm sorry, I dropped my sword for a moment because the battle is too much and I stumbled. That's when I pray Lord you have to fill in the gaps I am leaving. 

I don't care if they are successful in a job or have the American Dream. I just want to know when the end comes that their names are in the Lambs Book of Life and they fulfilled the service God has for their lives. 

What would become of me if I don't believe that one day I will see Gods goodness here on earth? And you know as I get older I'm beginning to think that moment will be when I see Christ return. The days around us are dark. My heart has grieved by the things that have happened in the world over the last month. What grieved me more was seeing precious brothers and sisters in Christ accepting the world's view over Gods.

But then I go back to the hope that has me captivated and I have to remember for His promise to be fulfilled and for Him to return these things must happen. In a twisted way all this should get us excited because it points to a closer time for His return. I want to be one of the virgins with an oil lamp overflowing with oil. Whether it's next week or next year or 50 years I want to be ready. The only hope left for humanity now is the swift return of Christ.

So that's where my hope is and that's why I'm a prisoner of the hope of Christ's return. Whether I see His goodness here or not I will Hope in His saving grace and mercy and pray that at the great gathering we are all there and accounted for. I am expecting His return!

So now to you I ask what are you hoping in?